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My Path to the Metaphysical

Updated: May 22, 2023

My journey to the metaphysical was a transformative one to say the least. I've personally experienced many dark night of the soul type transformations.

But this specific journey which began 4 and 1/2 years ago was one of the most powerful and completely life-changing. This likely had something to do with the impetus to this transformation, a severe concussion that my oldest daughter sustained. I had to sit by and watch her dark night of the soul at the age of 9 and it was agnoizing.

I realized later that what made this extra intense for me was my empathic and highly sensitive nature. At the time I didn't have any energetic boundaries and I easily absorbed the energy of other's, for better or worse. Even without that, just being a mom that can't make your child feel better is a terrible feeling. Her symptoms were vast and long lasting. This strained her relationships with her friends, siblings and myself. I was trying all the herbs I had and consulted with a clinical herbalist, her chiropractor and an intergrative medicine specialist. Nothing she tried helped, and some things we tried created other symptoms.

I had lost my faith in alternative and modern medicine at this point and fully surrendered to trying anything available to her, whether I believed in it, or not.

And almost as quickly, the universe placed all the right people on my path. In another blog I talked about healing touch and craniosacral therapy and how those helped, but she didn't fully start to recover until the day we walked into a metaphysical store, called Of Wand and Earth, and met the owner Pascha. That day was nothing short of magical.

I didn't understand it or have words for it, but I KNEW that Pascha was tapping into energies I had not yet experienced. She began a conversation with my daughter, without any language required for my daughter's part. She asked a couple questions with my duaghter giving confirmation via head nods. She asked her a question that 100% knocked me off my feet and my daughter confirmed with a yes. The question was "You see things, don't you?"

And instantly I saw my daughter tear up and respond with a yes. As a psychologist I take hallucinations in children very seriously, and yet my daughter had not mentioned anything to me. I was equally concerned and intrigued. If Pascha knew my daughter was "seeing" things, it would not fall under true hallucinations. Next Pascha briefly explained to me that the age of 9 is an important age for children's spirituality to come online and with the concussion happening at the same time it opened the doors up to an excess of other worldly energy. I found out later that some of this energy was very dark.

My daughter had been suffering in silence, for a year, not wanting to tell anyone her experiences, as she knew it wouldn't make any sense.

I came in asking for a crystal for migraines and left with a deep curiousity, an oracle deck, and the knowledge of an inner pendulum...(and a crystal of course!)

Pascha did some on the fly energy work that day to tamper down the spiritual input and amazingly the visions cleared up shortly after. When my daughter explained what she was seeing later, it did feel real to me. She had no other signs of distorted thinking, and was very descriptive of the visions. Out of curiousity I searched the internet and there was a phenomena of people seeing a very similar vision. Hers was almost identical, and she had no exposure of this content prior.

This led me to analyze other experiences I had that I was explaining away through psychological phenomena. Starting in 2011, I began having terrifying experiences shortly after falling asleep. Although experiences differ, mine was feeling like someone was in my room and was menacingly close to me. I would wake up with my heart racing and would jump away from where I thought the energy was, sometimes running out of the room altogther. Eventually I convinced myself this was brought on by sleep deprivation (as it began shortly after the birth of my second child) and a condition in the psychology world called hypnogogic hallucinations.

And they went on for YEARS, with sometimes twice a night occurances. During the year of the concussion I began reading a book called "Trust the Mystery" and in there was a protection prayer to Archangel Michael. I set my intention that I was 100% done with my sleep difficulties and said the prayer. I have not had one more hypnogogic hallucination since! And that is because it wasn't a psychological problem, but a metaphysical problem.

When I had my own session with Pascha a year later I told her how powerful the prayer was to help clear my hallucinations and she said

"They. Weren't. Hallucinations."

Of course she didn't say it with this emphasis, but that is exactly how my brain heard it. At that moment I realized I had been experiencing my own struggles with dark energies. It also validated that I wasn't "crazy" but was having a metaphysical experience that I couldn't understand at the time.

This made me reconsider everything I had learned about hallucinations and to not just automatically write off these experiences as a psychological problem.

If I'm unsure regarding a client's reports of experiencing things that do not seem real, I have been known to refer them to a shamanic healer for clarification. This is one of the reasons I've pursued additional training in energetics, so that someday I can discern this for myself.

That one encounter set me on a path to the energetic and spiritual. I threw myself into healing sessions with Pascha (and some for my daughter as well,) learned reiki, nerded out over crystals, became more nature attuned, and ultimately went all in and joined a year long magical tradeschool for the healing and intuitive arts.

In many ways I feel that I'm at the beginning of an ever deepening journey to the metaphysical, but I'm at a great place to shine a light and teach others who were where I was not too long ago.


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