Are You Even a REAL Psychologist??

There is a hidden cost to being me.

The silent judgements from others ocassionally end, and the quiet part gets said out loud. From the moment I started a practice where I considered the whole person (not just the mind) there have been questions such as this.

The world can be a powerful mirror, and with age and being mindful to not become defensive, I've navigated this question with humor and clarity. But, now I'm ready to take a deeper look.

But first, lets wax philosophical for a moment with the question, "What is REAL?"

It reminds me of a beloved childhood book, The Velveteen Rabbit, written by Margery Williams. When does the rabbit become real?

Without becoming bogged down in the details, the brain has a tendency to create reality through a specific cognitive lens. Combining patterns, senses, accepted knowledge, and lived experiences. Adding to that, it is easier to have concrete categories that structure our world and cognitively make things easier. This ease though has a cost, often leading to 'all - or -nothing' thinking.

It takes a lot of mental work to step back and really challenge your mind regarding something you once saw as fixed.

There is a quote by Robert Evans, "There are 3 sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth."

My life had lead me to a point of questioning everything.....but first, like the rabbit, lets go back to the beginning.

Growing up, life wasn't always easy. I was a free spirit and an undiagnosed ADHD female. I was often punished for my eccentricies or made to feel less smart than others. Eventually, I shoved my authentic self down - that flexible, silly, talking to rocks, deeply feeling, and creatively minded child -as many of us do.

I shifted to more closely approximate the rules of society that I was presented with. I was still deeply curious and especially drawn to spiritual practices and world religions, and I pursued this in the form of reading everything I could. Knowledge would be found in a book, surely.

In college I became very analytical, reasearch minded, statistics oriented and dogmatic in my thinking. I became an analytical empath. What I later learned to be a self-protection mechanism.

The feelings were too big, the world made no sense...so I was going to shut out everything that didn't fit the framework I created.

In contrast, there is an amazing quote by psychologist Carl Jung that I had not yet been presented with which goes,"To the critical intelligence, nothing is left of absolute reality." Had this quote found me sooner the potential for my mind to open more easily might have blossomed.

Despite my at times rigid thinking, professors enjoyed my mind and my rigor. I had a passion to learn everything about the field of psychology, so that I could finally understand people and the world at large.

I earned my Bachelor's of Science in Psychology, before I was 21, with a minor in Women's Studies. Then spent a year intentionally getting in the trenches of mental health before I went on to earn my Master's of Arts Degree. There was never a question of if I would continue my studies at the graduate level.

There were jags: my scores weren't high enough for a free ride to a PhD program, but I was not going to let that be a barrier. I had a mission and I was laser focused.

In that year of real life experience I came to really enjoy working with teenagers. I deeply understood their angst and their discontentment with the world.

Eventually, I landed in a training program that was previously unknown to me. I took a jump and went to get a specialist degree in School Psychology. A 60 hour master's degree, plus year long internship, which I wrapped up right after I turned 25.

After seven years studying and earning my degree and certification as a school psychologist I was finally ready for practice. At this point some would say I was a REAL psychologist. I put in my time academically and also hands on in the community, in research labs and as a teaching assistance. I passed my licensure tests at the highest levels, and I felt like I had finally made it.

Later I fought to be a licenced psychological associate , a master's level psychologist with the ability to practice privately in North Carolina, under supervision, if you pass the same test as the PhD psychologists. The test and requirements are brutal. At the time I was working full time as a school psychologist, had a 2 year old and was 37 weeks pregnant. I passed at the PhD level. I was beyond proud and relieved. Is this when I became REAL? I was 29.

I had a LOT of growth left to do. I'm currently 43, nearly 44, and that 29 year old me was smart, had a sharp eye for diagnostics, and a passion for children....and yet I lacked nuance and a larger worldview.

Slowly life began to present me with situations that forced me to grow and develop as a human - I was stretched and took the longest, hardest route, at times. I am undoubtedly wiser, now that life has batted me around. I am better about zooming out and seeing the bigger picture. I can look past hardships and thank them for forging my path.

I think this makes me more real, certainly, but not finished in becoming. I'm still amidst a very hard season, learning difficult lessons and questioning everything. My path to becoming "real" has led me to places that make me seem "unreal" to people that are more comfortable with the status quo. And as a taurus there is something that I do love about the safety, structure, and consistency in that. And alternatively, as a neurodivergent person there are times when I need more from a situation. That beautiful balance of structure and fluidity.

As the book so beautifully states, "It doesn't happen all at once...you become. It takes a long time."

Am I even a REAL psychologist?....I'll let you decide.

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